2015 – Main

I feel like it’s become a custom for me to write a reflection post every end of the year. I do not really feel obligated to do it because I like how thoughts become clearer when I write them out. These posts may great readings for myself to look back on when I am old. 🙂

2015 was a very big year for me. As you know (I sure hope you do), I went on a one year long exchange/internship programme in the US this year. So it had been a very different year for me than the rest of my time alive.

So many experiences and so much thoughts graced my mind, like, really so much, that I don’t think its inappropriate for me to compress them all in one short post. So I decide to break them up into more chunks in time round. I sure hope it will help me better organise my thoughts.

• Resolution 2015 + thoughts on this one year
• New things and new experiences I experienced
• Observations on cultural differences and what it meant for Singapore

Resolution 2015

I told myself I wanted to…

Explore Silicon Valley, as a local

Huge win over here. I dare say I did it very well. I came to know awesome friends, mostly AJ friends actually (I mean, thats how we have common topics right?) We hanged out a lot and I know the friendships are the kind that will last.

Also thanks to Thrillist, some awesome friends and my cousin who was in the Bay Area the same time as I was, I went places and joined local block parties and events and lots of awesome stuff. I thought I fit in pretty well into the city. Probably the most involved in local culture of most people in my batch. Sadly the only one that was aware about my involvement is this roommate of mine whom I had to reveal myself to (another story for another time). The rest just laughed it off when I said I made lots of friends over here. Wouldn’t want them to know anymore anyway. 🙂

The road to better body.

A typical AJ men would have set that goal. For me I strived for 75kg, three more than I were. It wouldn’t sound like much to many but for me I had been stuck in the 72 range for a long time and couldn’t climb further.

This year I was different. Equipped with a better mental focus in the gym and better food supply (the american portion is so satisfying), I managed to bring myself up the notch to 74, ±2. I’m pretty happy with myself and hope I keep that up.

Greater (mental) focus

I don/t know if anyone can relate to whatever I’m gonna be saying, I’m always bad at focusing when doing work. I could come up with all sorts of grand plans but had trouble committing to it when actually doing it. Eg, I tend to give up when the road gets tough in between workout sets, or tend to digress when studying. Hence progress has always been slow. Hated myself for that and determined to change for the better.

This is something I wouldn’t be able to objectively quantify, but I thought I did better this year. I did try to sit myself down to do work and realised I got a lot of work done in a shorter amount of time. Work outs got more effective too. However I am aware that I am still not getting the hang of this, putting my mind into doing things. Hence there’s more work to be done on this.

Set up my own website

This was a bonus goal I set for myself. I was gonna be an engineering intern in my company and I thought I could take this chance to become a coding pro. Well I didn’t accomplish much of this and WordPress didn’t become a core part of my interest. So this goal was a complete fail.

I did however accomplish something I had put aside for a long time. I got back to learning to develop in iOS. I came across this really awesome Stanford course that gave me deep understanding into programming in the platform. I did end up creating a workable to do list I am proud of. It just lack good design…

Thoughts

About this one year

I am very grateful for the opportunity I was given in this year. I was living one of the best experiences for me right now. To be in the United States, living in the culture, working in a local startup, get the chance to study in Stanford, travelling around the US (at affordable rate).

And then there is having real American friends. And the roller coaster emotional rides of getting into a heavy crush on a friend I knew over there. And a finally, the chance to become closer to my cousin through the various road trips/events together.

There is something happening over there every weekend, this made Singapore look very boring in contrast. I grew very fond of San Francisco (and New York actually) in this period of time and I am currently having major withdrawal while writing this piece in a Starbucks in Singapore. I do strongly desire to get back to this place and indulge in the vibrant culture again.

In all, It was a year I tried out many new things, but I’ll leave it to another post. In all, it was a year I probably accomplish more than I had in the past 22 or 23 years of my life, and I am very happy about it.

Life skill

I guess amidst all these experience I did learn something or two about life. Not directly from all those things listed per se, but from work and from idling and staring into space every once in a while.

This thing called passion

There isn’t really this thing called passion. Passion is created. It is a reinforcement of a good outcome one previously experienced. For example, many that like Math like Math because they did well in Math previously, so they think they are better at it and focused more time and interest on it. As a result, they become even better at Math compared to their peers. So they started to think this is their life’s calling and devoted to the field, calling it their passion.

I guess we should not really wait for this thing called passion to descend upon us. We should be the proactive party finding something we want to do and try our best to be the very best at it.

This thinking cam upon me because I am in a startup programme which encourages us students to be entrepreneur. I am always waiting for myself to find that “passion”, it is then that I know I will put in effort to make it work. Now I am on the fence thinking whether I should work for this passion or wait for it to come… Because honestly, I do not feel motivated to start something extraordinary yet.

Working VS having passion in a startup

Don’t rush into doing thing. I see that many friend in the programme got very into the startup notion and aspire to eventually work in one. Then I related it to my own startup experience working in my company. I guess if you do not feel like a big component of the company or worse yet, do not believe in the idea, there isn’t really a difference between working in a startup and working in a corporation. You’re just working for the money.

Therefore I believe there’s a difference in the two and I hope not to rush into jumping into a startup ship. I really hope that when I join/start one, I will look forward to doing it every single morning.

Knowing the industry

If working in a company though, I guess one of the more important thing is to know the industry. People get pigeon holed into specific roles early in their jobs and never look beyond their jobscope after that.

I guess knowing the industry at large help adds some credibility to the words you say. People listen, if they know what you’re talking about, and not just concerned with how it affects your microscopic work.

With regards to other aspects of my life…

I told Kerbs that I needed to take this one year as a break to properly think about whether I really wanted the relationship. I had many many back-and-forth with myself (seriously) about what I wanted, because I was unsure if I really liked him and I was confused myself. I guess I finally decided it’s best that we part, and that is what I am going to tell him when I meet him. We quarrel quite a lot, and I don’t see ourselves behaving like many couples I see both in Singapore and in San Francisco. It’s not him, it’s me. And the fact that I doubted the relationship just means that I wasn’t really into it in the first place right.

Coming to think of it. One of the primary reason I didn’t want to tell him that is because I didn’t want to see him disappointed. I just feel really unfair to keep holding on to him. I have been hanging him in the limbo for the past one year and I feel really bad about it (but I told him he should go out and find himself fun if he wanted in the one year). He’d done so much for me I really feel unfair for him.

Relationship is such a touchy subject. Sigh, I only hope I had managed this better.

I guess I did decently well this year. My only regret was not being able to come out becoming a great programmer, which is something I always wanted to be.

On to my experience in United States.